Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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