Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
