Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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