By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
