Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
