he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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