I cannot find my penis.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
