you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
