guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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