I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
