I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize