Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
home. puking in laundry basket.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
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