I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
