Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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