i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think my fart just growled at me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
