margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I want to fling myself into the sun
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
