Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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