apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
