This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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