the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
