so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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