you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
