meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
