it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
