didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
