If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
