im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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