at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
MIDGETS
????
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
