Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize