I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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