Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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