Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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