I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
