if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you didnt know i had herpes?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
