i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize