I just cut my nipple shaving
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
No subtext here. People are naked.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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