i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
