How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
