i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
