hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
