I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
