i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
