I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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