Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize