I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
