I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
