I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
