The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
