There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
