Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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