i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You've changed since you got that strap on
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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