Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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