The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
