She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
