I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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