the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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