i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
