A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She told me I should be a condom model.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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