I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
