this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
you had me at cake vodka
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
