i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
