I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
