Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
