I wish they made helmets for livers.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
