i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
