How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
